Chapter 4

3097 words

 4

OUTSIDE AGAIN

Elijah inhaled. It was intoxicating. Even the wet greenery looked fresh and sparkling.  Clumps of flowered shrubs were seen across the beautifully striped lawn. The whole place was well and maturely treed (not too many distant horizons!) and now even the sun was trying to come out.  Out on the stripey lawn were Daneel and Giskard and some strange robots of a sort of golden colour and they were deep in ‘conversation’. It was only very lightly drizzling now.  Elijah took a deep breath. Should he try to venture outdoors again?

Daneel and Giskard had managed to move the shuttle so that it was actually over the fence outside the garden proper.  There was a big ‘dip’ in the middle of the lawn where the gravitonics from the ship’s rather hasty landing had ‘pushed’ it down.

Well the robots got to directing fleets of robotic machines which carried loads of earth to fill in the dip; this went on all night and in the morning all was filled in. Wonderful creatures, robots, who’d be without them.  The earth was smoothed over bhy a robot rollermachine. Then turves were brought along and laid on top and soon all looked like being completed. In a few days it would be as good as new.

Elijah was feeling pretty much nearly good as new too. That morning he’d ventured outside. Not Outside. Just outside. To help himself feel more protected (just to start with) he’d wrapped himself well up. Halfway out of the airlock he thought he heard thunder and turned to scurry back indoors. He’d forgotten about thunderstorms!  He hung about just inside the airlock – why, before he’d’ve pelted headlong to find the very deepest indoors he could find!  And then find something he could hide under. With slight embarrassment he rememered staying with Daneel’s ‘family’ on Aurora and a terrible thunderstorm had come up and Elijah had had to flee to his bed under the covers with Daneel wrapping his arms tightly round him for hours and hours with loud music playing. Tirelessly Daneel had stroked Elijah’s hair and back and Elijah had actually managed to fall asleep to wake when all was over, in a blissful warm cacoon, nestled into Daneel’s neck all warm-smelling of those lovely pheromones incapsulated into his beautiful velvety golden skin which even now the memory of was making Elijah start to rise. Ooh. Er. Cool it Lije!  Now he looked like some bundled up yeti in his waterproof windproof thermal trench coat and trilby and great long scarf; most unsexy but what the heck, when had ever Daneel cared if he looked sexy, Daneel never moaned and said oh you’ve got a tum or a bum, or, you’re looking a right mess, all he did was make Elijah go along with him to the gym and they’d have fun working out together to nice music, not that Daneel of course had to work out really, but naturally he did it to encourage Elijah along and make it fun with his awful jokes that he knew were awful because Daneel could self-parody like no other which made it funnier;  also Daneel helped him be less self-conscious if other people were there. Really Elijah thought, he’d now be a huge fat gross lump if it hadn’t been for Daneel’s tough love – and awful jokes. Nothing like a robot for telling awful jokes and screaming puns. Daneel could also mimic perfectly and was always speaking in other people’s voices to fool him – nothing like a robot for doing that either.  At the moment Daneel was mimicking the Sentity’s awful voice whenever he wanted Elijah or anyone to get a move on which gave them all horrible frights and certainly made them move!

When it seemed like there wasn’t going to be a storm after all and it had turned out to be a combine-harvester Elijah dared to venture out again. There was a slight wind and Elijah saw the treetops tremble and hesitated – funny how scary wind could be like it was a portent of worse things to come. And it would make the clouds scud across the sky, disappearing over the horizon which Elijah used to find terrifying; he’d often sought the refuge of Daneel’s arms and in turn clung on which had stopped him running away at any rate and finally he’d managed to turn and look for longer and longer periods, and saw that it was beautiful after all and when it came to sunsets – oh wow! How Elijah had come to love sunsets on wonderful calm evenings; with the trees silhoutted against a sky of all colours.  He and Daneel used to go to Sunset Boulvard on the City’s westernmost boundary where the Spacers had funded a leisure venue specially so that people could see sunsets through completely transparent plateglass windows whilst eating and drinking at their ease and lolling back in cushy highbacked sofas on café terraces and listening to good music, or dancing to it. Initially of course the Spacers had done it for their own benefit to remind them of home but gradualy Earthpeople had been getting to like it too and were finally allowed in after they’d been decontaminated in a ‘dryclean’ Barrier.

Now Elijah was having to come out on his own and walk over to where Daneel and Giskard were in the garden. He’d have to go over a bridge over the ha-ha and through a wrought iron gate in the high wall, some hundred yards or so. The wind swished in the trees and Elijah trembled a little – if it started to roar he’d go back; that was something he’d had to try and get used to when staying with Daneel’s ‘family’, and it had been almost as terrifying as the storm. Lots and lots of huge trees for the wind to roar in. Oh and cobwebs – now that was something that had been completely and utterly alien and horrendous for a steel cave dweller, since when did cobwebs ever exist there,  so Elijah naturally had never ever come across one before, let alone walk into one which had made him almost faint with sheer terror. Daneel had had to spend hours soothing and cuddling him afterwards and Elijah for a long time wouldn't go near any bushes which is where it’d happened.  Only some jolly good sex with Daneel had helped to assuage the initial trauma.

Now Elijah checked carefully for cobwebs, even when going over the bridge and then  through the gate. Oh the hazards!  Anything spaced less than about six foot apart was approached with caution; he’d boned up about cobwebs bigtime and reckoned he was approaching being an expert on the things. Jess would've just thought he’d gone completely stark-staring. But she’d increasingly been thinking that way anyway about him. Cautiously Elijah now stood just inside the gate, near the wall, viewing the wide expanse of lawn before him. Ooops, this was pushing it a bit!  Daneel and Giskard looked awfully far away suddenly. They were putting the finishing touches to the now restored lawn. A shaft of sun suddenly came out and lit them all up: the golden robots, Giskard’s fancy metalic accessories and Daneel’s hair and red T-shirt, and they all looked beautiful. Further on was the flowering shrubs, all pinks and oranges and several sorts of red, and Elijah realized he’d come to appreciate natural beauty since knowing Daneel and going to Aurora where natural beauty abounded in all forms. Jess had thought he was mad again but when had she not been thinking that about him towards the end.  

THE ALPHA HETTYS

Elijah had managed to make his way partway across the lawn, skirting a convenient mass of bamboo like shrubs (without going too near in case of cobwebs) when a dark figure suddenly appeared in a gateway in a high wall at the other end of the lawn.  Something about the figure Elijah didn’t like and he realized it was because it looked so masculine, so Alpha. By now the robots had noticed it too and Daneel and Giskard stopped work to face it – fearlessly of course since when were they ever afraid.

“Wot you burks doing”, rang out a stentorian male voice and Elijah stopped in his tracks.

“We’re laying turves”, Daneel answered equably.

“How wussy can you get. ‘Laying turves’. Wot’s this: Gardeners’ Question Time or something”.

“No”, Giskard said flatly and literally.

“You’re a funny looking micky aren't you. Grey too. Where you come from?”

“Does it matter terribly?” Giskard retorted, knowing ‘micky’ to be a rude word for robot.

“Not really. I just don't like funny looking mickys that’s all”.

“Oh. Well tough. Your problem, mate”.

“I don’t like rude ones either”. The man sauntered towards them. “Robots should be polite at all time. Wot sort of robot are you”.

“Well – a robot. What else?”

“You don’t look like you got the Three Laws either. Not with a lip like that. I’m wondering if you’re a human dressed as a robot. No robot answers back like that”.

“Well this one does, see. Now if you don’t mind – which you will of course – I’d like to get back to work”.

“Tough.  Is that ponce SirMadam around?”

Daneel and Giskard made an elaborate show of looking round. “Don’t look like it do it”. Daneel finally said, giving the man one of his famous steely looks.  The man stared back.  “And wot are you doing amongst all these robots, whoever you are”.

“Laying turves as I told you”.

“Helping robots. Bleedin’ hell!  What sort of ponce are you. Doing good works amongst the robots, as if they need it. You must be really thick. Or a liberal”.

“I think” Daneel said levelly, “you’re out to cause trouble. And we don’t like that. You’re becoming a bore and we don’t much like that either. Gets boring and we don’t like being bored by boring people. And when we get bored we’re not very nice. Geddit”.

“Tryna be funny are you – nonce”.

“No. Just stating a fact”, Daneel rolled his eyes. “Now if you don’t stop being so boring I'm going to start not being very nice. I have a low boredom-threshold”.

“Oh d-e-ear. Wot a bore”.

“And by the way I can be female too. So, better watch it, OK”.

The man had the grace to look taken aback, “’Become a female…?’. Wot sort of crap is that.  Though come to think of it, I wasn’t sure at first…. but you don’t have any wotsits in front so – ha ha – guessed you must be congenitally XY at any rate”.

Daneel hid a secret smile. “If only you knew!  And just because you can’t see any ‘wotsits’doesn’t mean I haven't got them”.

The mans eyes raked Daneel up and down. “Not much down there either have you”.

Daneel grinned. “Nope. Don’t usually bother with that sort of paraphanalia either. Only useful for pissing. Otherwise a right bloody nuisance and not very pretty either!”

“Shit, what sort of dude are you!  I don’t like ambivalence”.

“Again – tough, and you see what you want to see, okay….and right now, due to lack of certain obvious things, you’re seeing me as male, right”.

The man looked disgruntled. He was about a couple of inches shorter than Daneel and dark with a single lowering eyebrow and what would be a five o'clock shadow if it had been five o'clock which it wasn’t just now. His hands were hairy. Daneel grimaced. Hairy humans could be bad news – as well as monumentally boring!

One of those hairy hands suddenly shot out and grabbed Daneel’s wrist. Daneel just looked at him expectantly. “So, pretty boy. Let’s see you fight you way outa this one”. The man’s grip tightened.

Daneel sighed. “Oh I am so BORED”. And then gave a sudden blurring twist. And the man gave a little gasp and found his hand holding nothing.

“There you are. See, I fought my way outa that one, didn’t I”. Daneel inclined his head, mockingly.

“Chirst, nancy, your pukey humour is beginning to bore me”. The man rubbed his hand a little, covering up the fact he was a bit gobsmacked.

“Huh, so that makes two of us”.Daneel was now cool and assessing. “So, who is the most bored I wonder. Or the most boring. And my name’s not Nancy either”.

The man suddenly stepped up to Daneel and swiped out. Boredly, without appearing to, Daneel moved back and yawned. “Sorry. Been up most of the night”. And then, “Do you apprehend most people this way, man? You can’t make many friends can you, hmm.  You like annoying people?”

“You’re a nippy bastard aren't you”, The man was panting a bit now. He kicked at a turf instead. Giskard growled, “Oi, fucking watch it, mate!” and the man sprang back like he’d been stung. A robot using such language!  He didn’t like it, not a lot. This eerily nimble pretty boy (who – come to think of it -  could also have passed for a rather magnificent but scary female) and the loudmouthed foreign-looking robot; it was getting on his creeps a bit. Making him feel out-done. He wondered whether to dare kicking another turf and Giskard staightened up and stared hard at him out of his glowing green eyes and he hesitated and then thought, fucking hell I'm being scared off by a robot. A lousy robot, a fucking metal micky! He shouted, “I order you to go and stuff yourself!”, and Giskard just stared some more and then started laughing, a cokey hard-stuff-smoking laugh.

“Sorry. That order just does not make sense, mate. I need to have orders that are logical and make sense, see. And that one just don’t”.

Elijah, forgetting he was very much out of doors on his own, had been watching this all along.  He admired Giskard and Daneel’s verve. No pushover robots these ones!  Jehosaphat no way!  That nasty sod was getting nowhere fast with them.

The nasty sod suddenly noticed Elijah. “Shit, who’s this?  Creeping up on us like some bleeding terrorist”.

“I'm not a terrorist. I am who I am who am I”, Elijah said waggishly and ambled nearer, only his eyes showing undter his wintry wrappings. He waved to Daneel and Giskard. “Look I did it all on my own, folks. Got here like a big boy, see”.

The man was eyeing Elijah with dislike. “Take all that stuff off your face, mate, so I can see you”.

“No” said Elijah. “Or I’ll get cold. And I'm not very pretty either.” He went up to Daneel and slid his arms round his waist. “Not like this one”.

“Oh shit!  A right couple of queerdos”.

“Ooh, not only a Hetty, but a Medievalist too”, cooed Daneel.

“Oh gawd, I thought we’d left all that crap behind”, sighed Elijah, leaning his head on Daneel’s shoulder.

“No such luck”, said Daneel. “It’s all-pervading. Like interstellar dust. Or black holes. Or energistic matter”. And he bent his head, pulled down Elijah's scarf and kissed him full on the mouth.

“Wahey!” shouted Giskard and all the turf-laying robots looked at him.  “S’okay lads. Carry on. I’m only being a human”.

A woman came out. “What's going on?”

The man spat in the robots’and Elijah’s direction. “That!”

“Why are they laying turves?”

“How would I fucking know! Bunch of maddos and queerdos. Space! I knew SirMadam ran a weird ship but this is fucking ridiculous”.

“Who’s that grey robot?”

“Don’t be so colour-prejudiced. I am who I am and so on”, sang Giskard. “And we’re laying turves because we messed up SirMadam’s lawn and are putting it right again”.

“Why did you mess up SirMadam’s lawn?”, the woman asked.

“We landed our ship on it by mistake”, Giskard said.

“Why did you do that? How silly”.

“It was rather, wasn't it. These things happen”.

“A right fucking smartarse robot. Can you believe it!” the man grated

“Why are those two kissing?”, the woman asked.

“Why not?” Giskard said archly.

“They’re bleeding queerdos thats why! A couple of right fucking fruits”.

“Why are they queerdos?”

“How do I- oh bleeding heck, this is pathetic”.

“Why is it pathetic?”

“Beucae it’s sick that’s why”,.

“What’s sick?”

“You sound just like a fucking robot woman”.

“I am today”, said the woman ambivalently. “And so’s that” she pointed at Daneel.

“Who?  Oh you mean this old tin geezer.” The man flung a hand at Giskard.

“No,” the woman said, “I mean that”. Still pointing at Daneel.

“That nonce! That – that…”

“Yes” the woman said. “That”.

The man shrugged and scowled. “Whatever”.  Seemingly more intent in showing off his good homophobic tendancies he marched up to the canoodlers. “Stop that at once or I’ll lambast you both!”

Daneel turned and looked at him. “I don’t think you will, Hetty….know what a Hetty is, dear?”. And deftly caught the man’s fist as it flew towards them and held on. “Want to get a tiny bit hurt, Hetty dear”.

“Stop calling me Hetty or dear you disgusting bally dancer”.

“It means ‘heterosexual’ – dear”. Daneel tightened his grip just a little. “So you reckon I look like Nureyev do you. Hey that’s OK by me. I think he might’ve been an ancestor – sort of- of mine. Or, rather, of my maker”.

And then the woman said. “Ah I get it. A female Nureyev. A Nureyeva. That’s what you are”.

“Of course”, Daneel agreed.

“But with a bit of Irish blood maybe…. And some dusky Sephardic too, along with the Turkic and Slav”.

“Spot on”, Daneel said. “You’re quite perceptive aren't you” he said to the woman. “Do you mind if I just a tiny bit hurt this hetero alpha male. They kind of get on our pip here”. And with a blur of movement he’d caught both the man’s fists in one hand.

She shrugged. “It’s your choice. Fast aren't you. And yes I am quite perceptive. I see you as a 50-50 as they call it. BiBi. Androgyne. Whereas your friend is only a male who hasn’t been Done. Is he an Earther?”

“You could say,” Elijah answered. “Or was.” He jerked his head at the man. “Like him I suppose. Most definitely not Done. And most Boring with it too”.

“That’s an interesting point,” the woman gravely said. “That puts a new slant on it”.

“Well, yes”. Elijah agreed. “doesn’t it. A whole new slant. Well I never did.”

“No I never either”, added Daneel. And then, “Wanta see me re-gender…?  In other words, change sex?”

Link to next Chapter 5:  http://nanowrimo2011ataleoftworobots.blogspot.com/2011/08/chapter-5.html