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15
IN THE LADIES PERSONALS
Nearly two hours later Elijah was wearily going for a pee in the Personal nearest to the phony castle. Ever the detective he didn’t miss an opportunity to search every nook and cranny so he’d checked every cubicle and noted anyone who came out. Stupid really, where on planet could anyone be concealed in a Personal cubicle; it was all streamlined seamless fittings. He even looked in the cleanerbot’s niche; even stupider, the bot pretty much fitted it glove-like, but when one’s desperate one does the stupidest things just to feel one’s doing something. Elijah’s soft old heart under those layers of dour crust couldn’t bear to think of that poor little desolate boy on the run from all that horridness.
He went out and there was Daneel leaning against the wall and boredly facing some over-attentive youths who had been trying to make out what he was. Naturally when they caught sight of the ‘assets’ their attitude of hostility had changed to leery adulation.
“Shit”, said one, “here’s her old man”, as Elijah approached to stand possessively next to Daneel. None of the youths had tried to touch up Daneel; ‘her’ height and general air of strength and composure was just a little daunting, so they sort of jostled about, keeping their distance. Again Elijah and Daneel just walked through them and they stumbled back.
“Well!” Elijah said, in wonder, “the case of a hot knife through butter. Men here are scared of what they see as a strong woman. It works wonders doesn't it – just a couple of assets”.
“It does ‘get the job done quicker’ so to speak.”, Daneel said. Elijah knew what the humaniform meant: mind-fiddling was all very well but it was fiddly: time-consuming and requiring agile concentration. Whereas a pair of C-cups did it all for one, instanteously, whilst one got on with other things!
They walked on a bit just to get rid of the youths, and then Daneel said, “Yunno, I should check out the Women’s Personal…well, I can, can’t I, with these”, indicating his front.
“Josaphat!”, Elijah said, “I guess you could….doesn’t the Women’s have an extra sort of restroom…? “
“It does”, Daneel said. “Speaking as an old hand who can go regularly into Women’s bogs. Quite cushy too, some of them, with armchairs and extra mirrors and real inset washbasins and done out in nice colours too. Talk about unfairness! Plus their cleanerbot is far more elaborate and elegant - and usually coloured pink”.
A thought came to Elijah. “And presumably the Women’s cleanerbot lives in some sort of niche….”
“Well, actually – would you believe it! – it has its own room. Like a big walk-in cubhoard. Where all the cleaning stuff and spare bog paper is stored. Cushy almost, you could say”.
“Daneel”, Elijah said, “go in and, if necessary, have a pee like a good human or comb your hair in front of the mirror like a good woman, and then stick your nose into the cleanerbot’s room…that is, have a look round there”.
Daneel went in, presumably did whatever was necessary, came out and said, “I've found him”. And Elijah said, “You what…?”
He couldn’t believe it at first; that would be too good to be true, so he continued to blink at Daneel who stood there saying that he’d found Ben in the Women’s cleanerbot’s room.
Elijah swayed, overcome, and naturally Daneel caught him in his arms and held him. Elijah allowed himself the luxury of just one moment to lean his head against Daneel’s shoulder and close his eyes and give a great sigh. He felt Daneel’s warm arms momentarily tighten round him and then he straightened up and said, “Right, let’s get him!”
“Um, well I’d better go in.” Daneel said, “Or you’ll have outraged women stabbing the alarm button because there’s a man in their hallowed bogs”. And Elijah came to and managed to chuckle and said, “Josaphat yes!” and then “well – there is a man in their hallowed bogs already, sort of – even if he is only eleven years old”.
Daneel went in again and had to kill a minute or so by fussing with and combing his hair in front of the large mirrors until a couple of women had finished and gone out. The cleanerbot – which really was pink, albeit a rather unappetizing putty rather than rose - was busily cleaning out any unused cubicles and replacing loo paper – Earth was not exactly go-ahead when it came to equipping wash rooms with the latest technology. So the cleanerbot ‘lived’ in something like a large walk-in cupboard with shelving. And enough floorspace to easily house a sleeping eleven-year-old boy. And thankfully the ‘bot had not been equipped with the latest security ‘intelligence’ either, so it had not seen fit to raise any alarms at this extra and human object that it sensed in its space.
Daneel slipped in, knelt down and gently touched the boy’s shoulder. He knew that humans could be frightened if suddenly wakened and this human would likely be particularly so. So Daneel in a warm gentle tone said, “Ben…”, and then he heard someone come in. Now to deploy some mind-fiddling – well, not exactly fiddling but just pre-emptively ‘helping’ whoever had come in to ‘forget’ that they had seen what appeared to be a woman kneeling down in the Cleanerbot’s room and talking to herself. Easily done as the memory wouldn’t be crucial to the onlooker nor would they have been expecting to see someone behaving like that so all Daneel had to do was gently nudge.
Whilst he caressed Ben’s shoulder until the boy gradualy came awake. “S’OK Ben friend ….” as Ben looked momentarily terrified. “It’s me, Daneel – that crazy old fagbot who loves your grandpa Elijah…we've come to rescue you, friend—“
“No!” Ben sat up suddenly and now looked really panicked. “Don’t take me back – ‘cause I won’t go. I’ll kill myself instead!” He struggled to his feet and tried to push past Daneel.
Who gently but firmly caught him in his arms and held him close. “Hey, hey, friend. Not so fast…there. You called us, remember – on an Eva, and you got Lijey… Listen - Ben, we are not taking you back – okay….?” Daneel paused for a few seconds in order to ‘nudge’away another mind that had come in from remembering anything. Then softly he went about applying a calming note to the small terrified mind at his side whilst stroking the boy’s dark hair and soon felt the struggles grow less.
Outside Elijah waited and fretted, every time he saw a woman go in to use the Personals - or loos (or bogs) as the Aurorans called them. He hoped Daneel would have the savvy and humanicity to know how to cope with a possibly frightened boy. And when Daneel finally came out holding Ben close to his side under his coat Elijah knew he need not have worried.
“Ben”, Elijah said softly, “Hey, Ben…going to say hello to old four-times-removed-grandpa?”
They spent some time quieting and soothing him, all this time slowly walking along the wood-chip path. Soon Ben felt confident enough to open up and sensed that they weren’t going to ‘turn him in’ by taking him home. Cautiously he emerged from under Daneel’s coat. Elijah opened his arms and gave him a huge warm hug. They saw the café in the distance and it was Daneel who said, “You hungry, Ben?”.
Ben was but he looked scared again. “I don’t want to—“, and then as if remembering his manners, he said, “I mean – I’d rather not go there. People will see me”.
“Of course”, Elijah gently and understandingly said. “Why don’t we find somewhere to sit and Daneel or I will go and buy some food to take away. What would you like?”.
So they found a bench a short distance away and Daneel returned with some rather ersatz ‘curry pasties’ and ‘sausage rolls’ which were of course nothing more than elaborate flavoured yeast constructions and ‘ginger beer’ drinks, again more of the same in liquid form. He’d got three of each; when with humans one eats. Ben wolfed his down with every enjoyment but Elijah wrinkled up his nose. “Ugh, Josephat, I’d forgotten how weary Earth City
Elijah knew he ought to be deciding what to do next. Ben was a minor so really they should be returning him to his family, but Elijah knew full well what that would do to Ben’s state of mind. He didn’t blame Ben in the slightest for not wanting to go home or back to school; he knew in Ben’s place he wouldn’t want to. And Daneel would react very strongly to a (good) human being in distress and would feel he must alleviate it which might amount to him simply running off with Ben – in effect, kidnapping him. Daneel would see Ben as the better human being, even above his parents. He had experienced the positive free-flow-y effect that Ben, as a good – and even victimized - human being, had had on his positronics and had rated it higher than the more ‘lukewarm’ effect that Ben’s parents had had. So any distress felt by Ben’s parents would be ‘lukewarm’ in comparison with Ben’s and so not regarded as such a high priority. Plus he would've sensed that Elijah too was basically much more in sympathy with Ben than with his parents. Daneel’s sophisticated robot computations could sometimes end up very emotionally!
So Elijah wasn’t even sure he could totally rely on Daneel either. A rationally emotional robot with true likes and dislikes would you believe it! One who automatically sympathized with the victim simply because the victim had had a good effect on his positronics. Really, how – human! Really.
Elijah had decided that in all honesty he ought to at least go and see Mr and Mrs Baley and talk things out a bit. It was difficult discussing anything with Daneel in front of Ben. Rather typically and meanly the parks were all closed down for ‘the night’ and so they had to leave what was relatively a pleasant place. “In case there’s anyone hatching plots and planning to overthrow the City government or some such crap”, Elijah witheringly said.
“Which”, Daneel wryly said, “there probably would be”. He grinned. “We robots for a start”.
Ben did not like having to leave what seemed like the comparative security and peace of the park for the jostly walkways and then the clackery old Expressway full of people. Sour judgemental people. Who would look at them with opprobrium. Even walking too closely together let alone holding hands could result in outright denigration, and Daneel in particular was obviously ‘foreign’. Even Elijah, now so much better dressed with his hair a bit longer, didn’t immediately belong here any more. But, bugger it, who’d want to belong in such a dim dismal place anyway? With its fuggy air ‘full of human excretions’. And not just biological.
PLAIN DAMN QUEERDO
The City was dismal at night. Most people went home and stayed home and shops and most cafés closed down. Only the less-desirable roamed the walkways, spiralways and the Ex, and roistered in the public squares, so any ‘nightlife’ was decidely low-grade. “Let’s just return to the ship”, Daneel firmly said. “This is no place for a youngster”. Ben panicked. “What – what are you going to do with me…!”. Daneel caressed him as discreetly as he could. “S'okay, Ben, okay…” he gentled. “We’ll just go back to the ship, all of us”.
That was quite a sensible idea really; there was nowhere they could comfortably just sit here in the City once the parks had closed. Any café that was open would be a grotty (and most likely noisy) dive. And no doubt some most unpleasant people would start approaching them and demand to know their business before going on to hassle them. Even to start abusing them physically; making no concessions to a young boy and probably even less to one such as Ben with his longer curly hair. And whereas Daneel could undoubtedly fob them all off (and Elijah could put up a good fight if he really had to) they didn’t want to start a fracas and attract more attention – and, even get arrested which, as outsiders, they probably would, whilst their attackers would be viewed as ‘doing their duty’ and even exercising their rights to do their citizen’s arrest. (Smug self-righteous bastards!).
Well, returning to the ship would've been a sensible idea but for one slight problem…? “Errh!” Elijah suddenly groaned as they reached the Spaceport Approachway. He looked round quickly to check who might be nearby. “And just how are we going to get Ben through the check-in without his passport card…” Ben looked up wide-eyed, unsure whether to be alarmed or enthralled but then Daneel just said, most airily, “Hey, that’s when a robot comes into use”. He tapped his forehead and said in a low voice. “This noddle has more than just a dumb positronic brain inside. Now get Ben in between us with me going first…”
Elijah sort of guessed what might happen. Daneel had got a whole load of miraculous circuitry inside that gorgeous head of his and by now knew how to use it too. It was the other side of the coin from his cerebroanalytic mind-fiddler: a nano empulse precise enough to fry the minutest crucial memorychip inside an Immigration and Customs checkpoint swiper. Most of Earth’s technology was still so clunky it was easy game to pick out the right chip to deactivate. On other more advanced planets it was nice to have a helping ‘hand’ in the shape of a fellow robot similarly equipped. Not that this didn’t stop Elijah feeling pretty panicky as he followed Ben through the revolving electronic barrier. But blessedly no screaming bleepers or klaxons sounded and the human official seemed not to be looking their way. All three of them passed unhindered and managed to walk sedately enough towards the entrance of the flexi tunnel that led to their ship. Once inside this Elijah let out a “Phew!” and Ben looked round dazed and said, “Hey, did we do it?” and Daneel laughed and said, “Ben you are just the cleverest person ever”, and then, “Oh man am I tired!”. And he was. The focussed empulsing was actually quite draining on the old pozzies and Daneel was feeling the robotic equivalent of plain old tired. Elijah’s legs felt like jelly. Once inside the ship with the hatchway up they made straight for the living area to sink down into its deep comfortable seating. Picking up some self-service snacks from the kitchen dispenser on the way, which after the mingy fare of Earth City Earth City
“Just like I did at first”, Elijah chuckled, “At least you didn’t bring it all up again”.
Ben was further fascinated by how Daneel appeared to eat his food with every sign of enjoyment. Daneel caught the boy’s look. “They programmed me properly, yunno. To enjoy things! From food to clothes, to sunsets and scenery, to – other things.” He briefly caught Elijah’s eye and a look passed between them and Ben could never be sure if he’d imagined it or not. The sensitive Ben had sensed the very close friendship between the two, with its openly demonstrative affection – which on Earth would be termed plain damn queerdo! Or just plain blatent. It was rare to see even a man and a woman holding hands along the City’s walkways or lingeringly kissing. Even between women any public demonstrativeness was brief and got over with as soon as possible. “Done and dusted”, as Elijah would say. Well any interaction between he and Daneel would never be so; they just seemed to fall more and more in love with each other, and Ben was to find it completely normal that this should be so between a man and an androgynous humaniform who seemed to embody the best aspects of both genders, both physically and in manner and outlook. Both were affectionate towards Ben as well which was to do wonders for his confidence. Even when Ben saw them kissing he felt a nice warm feeling inside him instead of embarrassment, almost like, hey even if I am a queerdo what the heck! He liked their complete lack of fuss over anything; even Elijah as a human, whilst at times appearing ascerbic and dour, seemed to lack any sort of pettishness or spite. Whereas Daneel was like the best sort of human. Both could dole out tough-love when necessary but their love was die-straight and cut any crap. Ben felt entirely safe with them both.
Shortly after this Ben, exhausted from his ‘adventures’ of hiding out for two nights in the Ladies Personals and from a full stomach after having half-starved for two days, fell asleep on the comfortable seating, and Elijah picked him up in his arms and carried him over to one of the other deep sofa seats and gently laid him down. He returned to lie back beside Daneel and said in a low voice, “Now, like good parents, we need to talk about Ben’s immediate future and what’s to be done about him”.
To start with there was the not-so-small matter of Ben’s schooling. There did exist these interactive home-education holovids – though, under the soviet-style Medievalist regime, these weren’t terribly approved of on Earth, being seen as ‘antisocial’ and even subversive. Boys were supposed to go to school to have corners knocked off and a healthy sense of manliness knocked into them! Sitting cosily at home would make them effete , and worse still, so the attitude went, would turn-them-into-homosxuals. One had to have a diagnosed dire physical health-problem or disability in order to qualify for this privilege. Naturally it was easier for girls as it was not seen as so essential for them to have to go through all this rigmarole.
“Jehosaphat shat!” swore Elijah. “It’s even worse than in my day – which I thought bad enough then”. He recalled raging against the system whilst his two sisters seemed to have it all easy. His father had died young and Elijah had been brought up in a house of women which he’d found wasn’t the cushy experience he’d thought it might be. A lot was expected of boys and he’d ended up feeling completely alienated from his (depressed) mother and his indifferent sisters (not to mention almost jealous!). He’d known of boys who’d committed suicide rather than live though such a life and now, having come through as a feisty adult, he wasn’t prepared to let Ben become another casualty.
Daneel too was fizzing because what he saw as a good human being was unnecessarily suffering for no logical reason. Now he turned his head and said, in an equally low voice, “Reckon a bit of mind bending is in order here,” and when Elijah looked askance at him, continued, “I mean, with those local educational authority bigots”. Elijah knew these were the powers to whom one applied for the privilege of home-education (and, after the interview, usually got turned down, even with a doctor’s certificate!).
Now he looked fully at Daneel again. “You mean…you mean a bit of what you and Gizza have been doing to the bigwigs in this neck of the Galaxy…well, of course! If you can pull that off again that’d be something”.
He didn’t go on to ask just what exactly Daneel was going to do to get these holovids. Daneel and Giskard had managed to successfully slide their way into the most tightly-secured government strongholds and, equally successfully in many cases, ‘coerce’the bigwigs into thinking things a little differently or helping them to forget certain things. And now Daneel had managed to get them past Spaceport customs and immigration unhindered despite Ben lacking a passport card. So it was decidedly worth a try.
He didn’t go on to ask just what exactly Daneel was going to do to get these holovids. Daneel and Giskard had managed to successfully slide their way into the most tightly-secured government strongholds and, equally successfully in many cases, ‘coerce’the bigwigs into thinking things a little differently or helping them to forget certain things. And now Daneel had managed to get them past Spaceport customs and immigration unhindered despite Ben lacking a passport card. So it was decidedly worth a try.
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